It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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