She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
