Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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