I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
