actually, I'm a sock model
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
