Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
