Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
