what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
