dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
