I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
