I feel like abortions should bother me more
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
