I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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