He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
