Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
