Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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