Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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