Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
