I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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