I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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