I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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