I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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