I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
