just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
