I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
