im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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