meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize