her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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