what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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