It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
