And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
