Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
