I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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