I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
