I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize