I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
