if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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