Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
