I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
