I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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