"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
