if i can run in heels then i can drive
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
