There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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