if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize