I've blown a few things in my day
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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