walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
