forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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