I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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