If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
