We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
