my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
