I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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