Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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