I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found the puke drawer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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