Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
