Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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