You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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