You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
