Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
