So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
tequila makes me forget i have legs
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
