I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
smell my finger.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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