what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize