Do you still have your period?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
