just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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