chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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