just come out here and I will go home with you...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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