You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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