You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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