My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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