So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize