I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
