I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
