I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
