I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
