So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
