Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like eating out sand paper
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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