Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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