it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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