I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
