dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
