I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
