That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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