the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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