Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
