A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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