walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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