hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize