Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
