I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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