My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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