My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
