well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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