How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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