Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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