I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
