"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
