Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
