Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
