That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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