Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
