my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
